I am currently in a period of unsettlement and my instinct is to crawl away and hide. Hide in the shadow of my feelings. Hide from the uncertainty of several outcomes. Hide from the overwhelming waves that periodically rock my faith and threaten to capsize me.
I am seeking refuge in Psalm 139.
Verses 11-12: “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you” remind me that when I shut down and go in hiding because I do not understand what I am going through or what I am feeling, and no one else appears to understand either, I cannot hide from the One who created me. My mechanisms to “defend and protect my vulnerability” are useless and I am just as visible to Him as I would be if I stood out in the open, naked and vulnerable.
Verses 3-4 & 16: “You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O Lord…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” remind me that nothing that has happened, is happening or will happen to me is a surprise to Jesus. I take comfort in this.
Further scriptures in the word of God testify that trials of any kind and of any size are ultimately for our good: Romans 8:28, James 1: 2-3. Trials of any kind come and go but the God of Abraham, Sarah, David and Hannah is always by my side.
Those well known words He spoke to Joshua “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9) say to me: steady faith, steady heart, steady mind.